Last week I embarked on a part of my journey I would of never imagined possible. Kristen reached out to me after reading my blog stating she would like to do a feature on me on the news if I was open to it. I couldn’t give her an answer right away. I knew it would be a great way to reach out and help or inspire other women but at the same time it was so far outside my comfort zone I wasn’t sure if I could actually do it.
I thought about how hard it was for me to even sit with my coach and share my story with her. I remember the day I told her, sitting on the floor together in her office fighting through the tears, reliving the dark memories from my past, unable to actually say the things that happened to me out loud. It was an unbearable and very slow process…and this was with someone I knew, loved and trusted.
The thought of cameras and strangers upon me while I reveal my 20 year old secret publicly was tough to wrap my mind around. The thought of putting a face and voice to my blog. The thought of breaking down or losing my composure in front of the cameras. The thought of ‘them’ seeing IT, seeing ME! The thought of being vulnerable in front if strangers. All these thoughts flooded and overwhelmed my mind.
Then, I started thinking of that one women out there that was meant to see it, needed to see it. The empowerment it may give some young girl. The message of hope and strength it could portray. The thought of ‘them’ seeing and seeing ‘they’ didn’t break me, ‘they’ didn’t win, that I changed how my story ends. Those thoughts brought me to say yes; yes I would be honored for you to do a feature on me.
Of course it didn’t come easy. I pushed it out and may have rescheduled once or twice but in the end I set a date and saw it through. The day was filled with a whirlwind of emotions but by the end of the day I felt like the biggest weight had been lifted off my shoulders. It was one more chain broken. One more thing that unlawfully led me in fear that was now over and behind me. A little but more freedom and healing.
I have truly been blessed to have the most amazing support team in my corner. The biggest difference in living through my story 20 years ago and living through it now is that I don’t have to walk through it alone. Kelley Farrell, Alana Hysell, Tim Roubo, Ali Causey and Tonya Mayers thank you for endless support, encouragement and love you have given me. It has allowed me to overcome obstacles I never thought possible and for that I am forever grateful!